Workplace Appreciation

Personalized Appreciation: Meaningful to Whom?

The team planned a surprise tribute. The recipient spent it wishing they could sit back down. What would they have welcomed instead?

They hate being the center of attention.

Their manager wants them to feel appreciated, so the team plans a surprise tribute. There’s a speech, a gift, and enthusiastic applause.

The recipient smiles because everyone is watching.

The gesture took effort. The intention was sincere. And the person receiving it spent the whole time wishing they could sit back down.

A gesture can be thoughtful from the giver’s perspective and still feel wrong to the person receiving it.

What makes it personal?

A name engraved on a mug makes it theirs. Whether they’ll want to use it is a different question.

That’s the difference between customizing a gift and making appreciation personal. A handwritten note may mean more to someone than an engraved gift if what they’ve been hoping to hear is that you noticed what they did.

One person may love hearing the team celebrate a project they’re proud of. Another would rather hear the same words in a quiet conversation. One person keeps every card they’ve ever received. Another would be grateful for an afternoon free of meetings.

Before you choose a gesture, think about what this person would welcome.

Give them a say

If you’ve ever filled out a “favorite things” list for a Secret Santa exchange, you know how much easier it is to choose something when you have a little information to go on.

A regular check-in can do the same thing. You might ask, “When I want to thank you for something you’ve done, would you rather hear it privately or have me share it with the team?”

In their 2022 report on workplace recognition, Gallup and Workhuman found that only 10% of employees reported being asked about their recognition preferences.

A simple question gives someone a chance to say what they’d enjoy. It also gives them a chance to say, “I don’t have a preference,” or “Please keep it low-key.”

A preference gives you a place to start

“Likes coffee” may help you choose a café for a thank-you conversation. It tells you very little about whether they want another mug.

The same goes for public recognition. Someone may welcome a thank-you in a team meeting and still want you to ask before posting their photo or sharing a story about their personal life. They may also feel differently about being recognized depending on the occasion.

If you keep a written record of preferences, make it optional and keep it to details you’ll actually use. A person can tell you they’d prefer an alcohol-free gift without explaining why. And when you’re unsure whether something still fits, you can ask again.

Keep the message. Change the delivery.

Go back to the manager planning the surprise tribute. They could start by saying the same specific thing in private.

“You made sure everyone knew what was happening when the project changed direction. That helped the team get back to work without leaving anyone behind. I wanted you to know I saw that.”

If the manager would like the team to hear it too, they can ask. The employee gets to decide whether sharing it would feel good to them.